I wanted to tell you why it was more than different ways of taking on each day that made me want to reconsider my life with you.
I think the approaches of blaming other things made me feel like I wasn’t enough of a reason for you to adapt to me, even just a little bit. I felt like I was a little fish attached to a bigger fish, like I was part of your ride. I didn’t feel like I was consequential in your life. You were consequential in mine.
The drive you have to reach what you really want is evident, even envious. You won’t stop for any circumstance to keep repositioning yourself to be in the best spot to get what you want.
I think that’s what I didn’t feel from you, I didn’t feel that you wanted to reposition yourself at all to secure our relationship. That’s what I meant when I kept saying that I didn’t feel like a priority.
It was hard to understand how we could get to your dream of you and me (a home, a family, all the time in the world for each other, money) without spending some of these parts together in the present.
This projection of what we wanted to have together made me feel like I was an accessory in your life that you could bring out once you were ready. I was already there and I felt like you weren’t.
In some ways, I miss you so much. I miss telling you the things that made us so great together, the things that a lot of people just do not think about, or care about. I miss the nuances of you.
I’m also really happy. I felt like I had so much riding on you for so long, and to finally let you go gave me space to stop worrying about when you were going to come and love me the way I wanted.
That’s the difference between us: I wanted you the way that was my expression of love, and you loved me in the best way you could.
Just so you know, I can still hear you sometimes. I don’t want you back, but if you ever need anything, just tell me.